“My bum’s wet.”

There are words you really don’t want to hear from the mother-in-law, and I’m sure I speak for most fellas when I say they must come near the top of the list.

“We could get you to the chemist for some Tena pants, Mum.”

But the cause of the involuntary dampness is not incontinence. “It’s your car seat.” She goes on coming out with those phrases that should be banned.

A check of the upholstery proves her right. Bugger! The boot too is soaking. Damn and blast.

The man in the garage is very good. He would make a first-class funeral director. I explain the problem to him and stroll off to work. He phones within the hour. “It’s your sunroof drainage. It will be about five hours I’m afraid and may involve a little adjustment to sort it out, but we can get the carpets out and dry them at the same time.”

‘The options are?”

“Just the one really. You have a damp, smelly car.”

He’s right of course. That is no option, and at least expensive parts aren’t involved. A couple of hundred quid isn’t so bad I suppose, but next time I hope and pray Mother-in-law has flooded her own gusset. Tena pants are much more economical.