“Here Blossom, have you seen this article in the Daily Mail? Apparently if I say ‘Thanks love, keep the change’ to you, then you’ll be able to sue Ossie for harassment.

“You’re having a laugh Blazing?” I show her the article. There is a wicked glint in her eye. “You wait until he gets back up from the cellar. I’ll give him a coronary”

As it happens I only ever call Blossom by her name (yes, it really is), or at least I think I do. The power of the 2L can on occasion over-ride rational thought.

“Have you ever been offended by being called something else, Blossom?”

“Oh yes Blazing, but not love, or darling, or sweetheart. That’s everyday conversation isn’t it? I think these papers are going for Harman at the moment, They made a bit of a fuss about her last week because she was arguing that most female crooks should not be sent to jail.”

I agree with her. I think a degree of poetic licence is being taken in this article. I finish my pint and head back to the office.

“Oh Blazing.”

“Yes Blossom.”

“If you see your mate Denzil any time soon would you do me a favour?”

“Yes, of course. What is it?”

“Tell him I think he’s got a nice arse.”